A Little Intuition (Part II of II)

She must have just read "Women, Food, and God," and now thinks she can intuitively eat a pint of Chubby Hubby for dessert.

Thanks so much for all the thoughtful and kind responses! I’m definitely not alone on the “what the hell do you WANT, body?!” front. But the book I would like to discuss has made me look at certain aspects of “intuitive eating” a little differently.

That book is Naturally Thin, by Bethenny Frankel.

The chief reason Naturally Thin spoke to me was that it’s very unlike the work of any nutritionist, therapist, or inspirational speaker. After all, Bethenny’s a professional chef and reality TV star.

To really take in Bethenny’s book, she expects a lot from you. Namely, you have to be a big girl, grow a pair, and accept a few bitter truths.

Naturally Thin is not a campfire kombaya session. There is no one-on-one therapy, no philosophizing on why you have your screwy little food-addled head.

While Bethenny acknowledges that we are the sum of our pasts (she herself had a troubled food history due to a diet-obsessed mother and her own insecurities), the point of the book is that life is for the alive, and food’s just one part of living. A delicious part to be savored, of course, but still just one part. Ultimately, she gives her opinions on how to stop prostrating at the altar of food and enjoy it for its nourishing, tasty, and social qualities.

Unless it's Día de los Muertos, back away from the food altar!

Bethenny lays out a few of the general “rules” she follows, and takes you through how she makes food choices. They are pretty basic, and not the aspect of the book that really spoke to me personally. However, they would definitely be useful for someone who has problems understanding how much food they need. Basically, your body is a bank account, you can have it all, just not all at once, cancel your membership in the Clean Plate Club, keep it Real (opt for smaller amounts of the real stuff as opposed to big bowls of the fake stuff), and be Good to yourself.

She is strongly against counting calories, but speaks from a practical standpoint that your choices decide your body’s bank balance. Have a huge brunch…but it’s got to balance somewhere down the line. Buy the leopard pumps today, but get a more practical black sweater after. Again, basic stuff.

The Joker abuses bank accounts. Do you want to be a comic book character?

A few points I felt spoke to me:

• Food will always be there.

When I over-eat, often it’s not so much that I’m swept into a senseless foodie euphoria…but that I’m thinking “I’ll never go here again!” or “I almost never eat stuff like this, so I’m getting my money’s worth!”

Get back here, dinner!

A lot of “experts” discourage taking home decadent leftovers (even if they’re all for that box-half-your-meal trick). They say give it to your dog, toss it, or pawn it off on your kids. For Bethenny, leftovers are a bomb-ass lunch waiting to happen. If you are loving that steak, box it up once you’re satisfied and make a killer steak sandwich the next day. If you’re always being mindful, you don’t have to worry about eating “decadent” food–it doesn’t have to be a one-time only treat.

Awesome entrée today, sexy sammich tomorrow

• Go for what you want.

Who else is guilty? You get to a restaurant and you make the “best compromise,” the dish that looks the least damaging to your waistline. When I’m eating a “normal meal out,” as opposed to a Special Occasion, I still do this a lot of the time…I’ve just drastically loosened up what I consider a good compromise. But the mentality is still often there. Bethenny will get you pumped to eat out again, if that’s a sticking point for you. Because Bethenny says fuck it: if you want a juicy ribeye, order the ribeye and don’t dare settle for a wussy chicken breast.

However, be mindful–pile that steak onto mac n’ cheese, half a loaf of bread, and jalapeño poppers and chances are you’ll wake up with a bellyache. If you think this could be you, pair it with a baked potato and sautéed veggies instead…unless you just really really want the damn mac ‘n cheese. Better yet, if you’re eating with friends, have a taste of their poppers.

• Share and taste everything.

Food is highly social. Going out with a group of friends and tasting everyone’s dish is great because you get a plethora of different tastes. But most of all, you transfer the joy of the food itself into the company. Though I do not recall Bethenny directly stating this, it’s there by default: often, the best enjoyment of food comes from the surrounding situation. The warmth of a holiday meal, the festivities of a summer barbecue. Soak in all of that happiness and you may find yourself less tempted to leech joy from a plate of French fries.

Friends make for spreads like this!

This made me think about a lot of the chefs I’ve met. They love food. But every chef I’ve spoken to does not love food “just because it tastes good.” Ani Phyo loves food because it makes her feel awesome and helps her help others. Sarma Melngailis loves the sensuality that goes along with good food. The head chef at Ruggles Green, Bruce Molzan, likes making people happy and stimulating their senses in new ways.

There’s way more to love about food than just the sensation of it in your mouth. Love food for the artistry, the social aspect, the culture, and of course the taste…but it’s a whole package. One that you’re not likely to find if you’re scraping through a pint of Ben & Jerry’s at one in the morning.

Also, Bethenny points out that sharing is a highly beneficial activity, because it draws you away from the “dieter” mindset. Often, chronic dieters get outrageously possessive of their food. After all, if they only get three ounces of chicken breast, they want those three damn ounces. I’ll even point out, a clinical symptom of anorexia is hoarding food. So SHARE! Everyone’s happy– you don’t feel obligated to polish off the entire cake, you can give others the pleasure of said cake, and if you share, people are more likely to share with you.

I don't want to look like this...

But Bethenny one-ups these scores of “intuitive eating” books. With her one all-encompassing rule: know thyself.

And this is what hands the reader the Uzi. Which you can use to blast holes in food demons. If you choose. But it’s all in your hands. Scary, scary stuff.

And it's not filled with cookie dough.

We are naturally social creatures. Even Vatican Council II stated that. Most of us like to follow the crowd. We like to follow how things should be. We like molds and models because they demonstrate an example of success. In that regard, Bethenny’s book is scary. It’s jackhammer blunt. It’s almost unforgiving. Because regardless of all of her tips, tricks, and support, Bethenny puts thing above all else. Know thyself.

Sorry cupcake. At the end of the day, there is no ideal mold you can safely slip into. There is no buying off the rack if you want to truly live a life that fits you. For the best of the best, you have to go to a custom tailor. You have to understand yourself. And that means shutting up and listening. Hide the magazines, flip off the TV, put Leechblock on your favorite food blogs and message boards and LOOK at yourself. This is not “listening to your earth mama” signals. This has nothing to do with being more in tuned with the cosmos. This means taking a stark, objective look at yourself, acknowledging all of your quirks and strengths and WORKING with them.

Some books like to say to eat every 2-3 hours. Others say eat only when hungry. These are molds. Bethenny generally advises against eating when not hungry (for example, she suggests not eating breakfast until your appetite’s woken up)…but as she also states, if you’re the kind of person who will attack the office snack cart if you don’t eat breakfast, eat your damn Wheaties.

No book or guru can tell you if you’ll go on a doughnut hunt if you don’t grab a yogurt as you head out the door–only you can. So, according to Bethenny, forget all the schematics, all the formulas. You might just be a freak, but you work with what you got. Just go with it.

So many, myself included, have treated ourselves as a battle. A “battle of the bulge,” a war against the sweet sugar devil, a constant battle of mind over mindless cravings. But the rest of life is often a battle too. We battle for success in the workplace, we fight for the ones we love…we do so much fighitng, that if we’re fighting ourselves at every turn, it’s too much.

What Frankel shows in her book–and what I really liked–was that you can give up the battle…without becoming a doormat for your mid-day Snicker’s craving.

Well, a Snickers DOES have nuts...so it wouldn't spike your blood sugar quite as much...

If you can sometimes (like, on super busy days) go without lunch and not go crazy later in the day and raid the Wendy’s…fine. Oxygen Magazine might say you’ll turn into a pumpkin. Screw Oxygen. Let it keep its army of lunch-eating sexy vixens and clean eating countess Tosca Reno. Chances are there are a few other hotties in the world who can occasionally miss lunch and not go into starvation mode. But again, you might go to Ho-Ho and Twinkie land, so know yourself.

One concept Bethenny uses to help one understand oneself is “food noise” versus “food voice.” Food noise is that thing that gets all excited at the McDonalds commercials, that orders you to EAT that stale office bagel…and that later says you’re a fat cow for doing so and don’t serve to look at a carbohydrate ever again. Your food voice tells you what you really need and want–whether it be a fresh, crunchy salad, or a nice scoop of ice cream. The trick is tuning out the food noise and listening for your food voice.

Food noise, if it's anything like white noise, is not very fluffy

Unlike Geneen Roth, Bethenny does not equate listening to your food voice with analyzing each and every gastromical sensation and link it to your psychological conundrums and mental synapses…all to see if you’re really hungry. She just gives a few tips for making it easier to know what you really want versus a random craving. I spoke about those up above, because I’m non-linear and all that creative hoo-hah.

Also unlike Roth, that doesn’t mean indulge every whim. Whims can be food noise. Take stock in why you want something. Random candy craving? Maybe your blood sugar’s low because you skipped breakfast and your body doesn’t like that. Skip the candy and get real food. Or maybe you just want something sweet. If that’s a sweet treat you truly want, go for it. But don’t think you’re obligated to honor your body’s every random craving, because sometimes they are just the result of too much food noise. That’ll get you out of your skinny jeans faster than Gerard Butler.

Though Gerry can get me out of my skinny jeans anytime he wants.

Again, this stuff isn’t really rocket science. It’s just worded very, very effectively…at least to me.

Some have criticized Bethenny because her own portions are pretty small. She keeps a 3-week food journal for all to see. Guess what? It’s not always a squeaky clean slate of good eats. Some breakfasts are leftover desserts from the previous night. Sometimes it’s very clear she was hung over.

I think some people missed that Bethenny likes her decadent restaurant food and her alcohol. She indulges in those, and watches her portions. She also says she doesn’t work out much right now besides yoga and her walk-heavy Manhattan lifestyle. So duh, she’s not eating 8-ounce steaks for dinner every night. But it works for her. She just got married and had a healthy baby. Clearly she’s doing something right–and and she tells you repeatedly, you shouldn’t copy her, because you aren’t clones.

Doing something damn right, that's for sure.

And yes, I may ruffle a few feathers, but one reason Bethenny’s book appeals to me is that she does walk the walk. She’s hot and in pretty yoga-riffic shape. It’s like how I wouldn’t trust a personal trainer who wasn’t in decent shape.

I really enjoyed this book. I liked it so much I also looked at her recipe book, which is really neat. She gives some great overall cooking advice, such as ingredients that are easily subbed for each other (so you don’t have to make random runs to the grocery store) and how to “create” flavors through spice combinations, like Moroccan and Greek.

She’s also very into using whole, natural foods. When she does lighten some of her dishes, such as Pad Thai and Carbonara, she doesn’t pull funky Hungry Girl shit. She might replace some of the sour cream for Greek yogurt, or opt for low-fat mayonnaise when it’s not going to effect the taste or consistency, but if a recipe needs butter, she goes for the butter. I guess as a chef she’s had lots of time to experiment, but she has a very good head for making dishes a tad healthier without turning them into lettuce cups.

For a random interesting foodie note, her favorite sweetener is Grade B maple syrup, because it combines great flavor with lots of vitamins.

Bethenny’s book is hard to swallow if you’re looking for a perfect protocol. If you want to sit around and cry about the unfair food world, food company propaganda, and your uncontrollable appetite. But I did find it empowering. Here are a few ways I’ve been taking some of Bethenny’s advice to heart:

- Not thinking so much about “if I’m hungry,” but how I feel AFTER I’ve eaten something. Because I have fucked up hunger signals.

The biggest thing that’s jumped out at me is sugar. It really does appear that sugar goes straight to my head. I get a slight lightheadedness, my breathing becomes more shallow, and I start feeling like a hungry wolf staring at a herd of lambs. This is much less so if the sugar has a lot of fat with it, or is less refined. A.k.a, a slice of raw nut-and-date cake and I’m good. A bowl of sugary sorbet and I’m restraining myself from a Butterfinger chaser. Does this mean I’ll never eat something with tons of sugar? Hell no. But I’ll be more mindful when I do. And it gives me an excuse to go for the really high-fat creamy stuff!

Peanuts? Looks like Mimi food!

- I try tune out nutrition for my main restaurant item. Telling me to totally go to Ho-Ho Town is silly–I really do feel better when I have some fruit of vegetables at every meal. But for my main item, I’ve been making a real effort to go by pure “YUMMY!” Reminding myself that I don’t have to eat it all, that I can have the rest for a snack later or as an awesome salad topper the next day is just a mindset that clicks with my over-analytical brain. And oh my fucking God, when I do go by what I WANT, chances are it’s something that’s really not all that horrific. I just don’t like hulking piles of grease anymore. But some fatty steak or gyro? I’m in.

So, next time I watch The Real Housewives of New York–my total guilty pleasure–I’m going to be eying up Bethenny more closely. She generally is recognized as the one on the show who just has her shit together.

She’s had her own food issues. Her mom was obsessed with dieting and shipped Bethenny off to a weight-loss camp the moment she got a bit pudgy as a kid. So Bethenny had to sort out some of her own problems with food noise.

But I’m really happy she wrote how she overcame them. And it didn’t have anything to do with going to a spiritual self-help camp for binge eaters, or finding some sacred balance. She just realized that if you’re good to yourself and listen more to your own body than other peoples’, things flow. Sometimes, food is just food. Yummy, great for parties, and the source of a few livelihoods, but not so big on the sacred cosmos front. And ultimately, how you treat it is your choice. No one else’s.

I’m still separating my food noise from my food voice. Sometimes I do get a little silly. But Bethenny Frankel’s book is a huge help to me in realizing that listening to my body doesn’t have to be so complicated. Sometimes, you just have to find what works. That’s a bit easier to wrap my fool head around.