Ground Beef Curry [Recipe]

I may have had a rocky time in England, but it was on no account of the people I met. Aisha, Jess, and Alison are all bloggers I had a rollicking good time with. I also saw my best friend from high school. But I met other people too, and they were some of London’s best for me. Joe, Caitlin, Pontus, Zen, Kristina, Mark, and the random Scottish dude who liked Texas and hung out with me at the Kamelot concert were all awesome people I saw, and whom it’s highly unlikely I’ll ever see again.

But it doesn’t really make me sad. Few things actually do. I make myself sad (though my claws have been well-sheathed of late), being ignored makes me beyond sad, and sometimes I come across a book, movie, tv show, or musical that makes me happily sad.

Instead, as cliche as it sounds, I treasure my memories. I’m so happy when I meet awesome people.

That said, I miss Indian food. The Indian food in England is very unique to anywhere else, even other Western countries. I remember the spice profiles though! I also brought something with me across the pond — a few jars of curry paste!

It was with fond nostalgia of my British buddies that I pulled together a mega yummy dinner. The chief irony is that only three of the people I mentioned would probably eat it.

This curry-inspired dish is simple but it’s hearty. London raised my spice level but it’s not packing too much heat. Feel free to dump in chilies.

Ground Beef Curry

Serves 3-4

Ingredients

• 1 pound ground beef (I used an 80/20 grassfed)
• 1/2 sweet-ish onion
• 1 red bell pepper
• 2 tsp butter
• 1 can chopped/diced tomatoes
• ~2-3 tsp Indian spice blend or assorted individual spices (whatever you fancy)
• 1 tbsp green curry paste or laksa curry paste
• 1 tbsp tamarind relish or to taste (tamarind paste works too but you’ll have to adjust the amount based on taste)
• 1 tsp red curry paste
• 1/2 cup full-fat coconut milk
• Salt and Pepper to taste

1. Heat butter in a pot on med-high heat. Start browning your beef, using your spatula to crumble it. Add some spices.
2. As that’s browning, hack and slash your onion and red pepper.
3. Once the meat is browned, remove and set aside. There should be enough juices in the pan that you do not need any more cooking fat. If it is too dry, use a spray or more butter.
4. Add in onions and peppers and let them cook on medium heat. Add in some spices.
5. Once the onions and peppers are soft, add in the tomatoes. For the tomatoes, drain the juices beforehand if you want a drier curry. Keep the juices if you want a soupier curry.
6. Give it a good stir then add in the coconut milk, tamarind, and curry pastes. Stir again to dissolve the pastes and get everything mixed up.
7. Return the meat to the pot and turn heat down to low.  Taste and adjust spices as you see fit.
8. Now, you can either let it simmer for 15-25 minutes to bamf up the flavors, or you can it as is. You can also do what I did, which is save for tomorrow’s lunch or dinner. Sticking it in the fridge overnight really kicks up the flavor. Whenever you choose to chow down, serve it with rice, cauliflower rice, or spaghetti squash. Or break out the naan. I had it with spaghetti squash.

Nom!

Cookery & Bookery: Indian in 6

Here you have it, the first of my Cookery & Bookery series! This is a work in progress, so I’m open to suggestions for content.

I’ve have a hankering for Indian food since I left London. When I came across this gem while unpacking, I knew it would be the first book I played with.

Indian in Six, by Monisha Bharadwaj 

The premise of the book is Indian food made with six ingredients or less. This statement does not prove true — apparently salt, pepper, flour, butter, and sunflower oil are only 1/3 ingredients. But regardless, the quantity of the ingredients is still pretty small.

The quality is not always the case. In London it would be quite easy to pick up some of the ingredients she uses throughout the book — ginger-garlic paste, black mustard seeds, silver leaf, chilies, and fenugreek seeds. In America, not as much. Luckily I live next to a Mexican grocer that supplies a lot of chiles and seed-spices. I made the ginger-garlic paste myself. Bharadwaj  also doesn’t specify what kind of chiles to use; she just says red or green. I consulted my Bobby Flay cookbook on the heat index but couldn’t tell which ones she was referring to.

But what I like about this book is the variety. Bharadwaj  explores the cuisine of different regions — forget a few simple curries or tandoor dishes. She has sections devoted to poultry, seafood, eggs, veggies, and other odds and ends. I chose three:

Kolmi til Kebab – Chili tiger shrimp with sesame seeds

Aloo Mutter Jeerawala – Potatoes and peas with cumin

Gujar Kobi nu Shak – Guijarati-style carrot and cabbage stir fry

I actually made these at the same time. I almost never make this many relatively complex dishes at the same time. Aye caramba! But they came together surprisingly well, and the fire alarm stayed quiet.

Kolmi til Kebab

3 Tbs white sesame seeds
10 oz. tiger shrimp, tails on (mine were cheaper and tailless)
1 Tbs garlic paste
1/2 tsp turmeric powder
1 tsp red chili slivers (I forgot to get a red chili so I used chili powder)
Salt
Sunflower oil for shallow frying (I never use seed oils; I subbed coconut)

1. Dry roast the sesame seeds in a pan and set aside.
2. Combine all other ingredients (except oil) with the shrimp.
3. Add oil to pan and fry those suckers up.
4. Drain shrimp and toss with sesame seeds.

I forgot to snap a pic but here's the idea

These were easy to prepare, though of course I had to forget this was from the appetizer section, and thus the serving size was too small. Though it’s originally for 4 people, a dinner portion would be around 2 people.

The coconut oil added a nice bit of sweetness. However, the recipe was lacking in a bit of kick, so I tossed in some extra turmeric and chili powder.

Aloo Mutter Jeerawala

2 Tbsp sunflower oil (I used butter)
1 tsp cumin seeds (I had no seeds so I used powdered)
2 tsp ginger-garlic paste (I smooshed together 1 tsp each of grated ginger and garlic)
1 fresh green chili, ground (I used a fresh pasilla and diced it)
2 Tbsp tomato paste
1 tsp turmeric
2 large potatoes, peeled and cubed (I used one white and one sweet potato)
1.25 cups green peas (I dumped in a small frozen bag)
Salt

1. Heat up the oil and add the cumin. Let darken, then add the ginger-garlic paste and green chile.
2. Stir in tomato paste and the turmeric. Add some water so the oil can seperate.
3. Toss in potatoes. Add the peas now only if they are fresh. Season with salt and pepper.
4. Add 1 1/4 cup hot water and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat. If you used frozen peas, dump them in now. Cover and cook until the vegetables are done.

The water suggestion was too much. I could have reduced it to 3/4 cup. As it was, I used a slotted spoon.

This dish is really comforting. It has some grounding potatoes but the peas keep if from getting too heavy. The tomato paste adds a bit of tang. Yum!

Gujar Kobi nu Shak 

2 Tbsp sunflower oil (I used coconut oil)
1 tsp black mustard seeds
2 green chiles, slit down the middle (I used a fatass pasilla)
1 tsp fresh, shredded ginger root
1 tsp turmeric
2 1/2 – 3 cups (10 oz) cabbage, shredded (I used a 10 oz bag of cole slaw shreds)
2 cups (10 oz) carrots, shredded
1/2 tsp garam masala (it needed a bit more kick)
Salt

1. Heat up the oil and plop in the mustard seeds. Get them to pop then add the chiles and ginger. Stir, add the turmeric and stir again.
2. Add your veggies, season with salt and pepper, and stir until things start to wilt down. Then add 1/2-2/3 cup of water.
3. Cover and cook until the vegetables are done but not geriatric.
4. Serve and sprinkle with coconut if you want.

Served on top of steamed kale

YUM! Best dish out of the three.  But whatever green chile she wanted it sure as hell wasn’t passila. The dish was a wonderful marriage of sweet and savory but needed more bite, hence the addition of the garam masala. You can probably leave it out of you used a ballsier chile.

This dish can do a lot. I was sticking it in omelets, in lettuce wraps, having it plain…it’s very versatile. It tastes amazing drizzled with a bit of tahini or Trader Joe’s Tahini Sauce. So yeah, this one’s staying in the rotation.

Parting Shots:

This book didn’t lead me back to the kitchen of Aisha’s mom, but it’s a good intro into Indian flavor profiles. I wish it was more specific but there are a lot of interesting options. Still, considering I’m known as Baby Spice in some circles, I was really surprised I had to add heat. Keep your chili powder handy.

Who says office lunches have to be boring?

So, any requests for the next edition’s theme? I have so many cookbooks I could supply a culinary army.

Nose to Tail

After my last self-servicing epic, it’s time to get back to the main reason I blog. To share cool stuff and spread my cultural imperialism.

You want to know what sends me into a twitchy, cranky bitch storm?

Wasting food.

I’m not talking about force-cleaning your plate (aka Shitty Parenting Skill #1). Or people who get bombarded with  unwanted doughnuts from co-workers and wind up tossing them.  I’m talking about people who chuck bananas when they are barely black and grocery stores that dump hundreds of thousands of pounds of perfectly good food each year. Africa isn’t starving because the world lacks food.

The fact we live with so much waste makes me even more irritated when people claim they cannot afford healthy food. Correction: you can’t afford grass-fed/organic/Whole Foods every week.

The ultimate tough-love reply is “Pay the farmer or pay the doctor.” But as a student, I understand tight budgets. While my father has worked hard to give me security, not all of my family is nearly as well-off. Trust me, I remember days where the Dollar Menu was the choice by financial default.

That said, there are so many ways to eat healthy without a sugar daddy to take you to Erewhon. A chief way is living nose to tail. Classically, this expression refers to using all parts of an animal like the organs and bones. But veggies can totally get in on the act.

Here are some ways to live nose to tail and high on the health hog.

Whole Chickens

The humble chicken, much like the goat or sheep, is a blessing to man. If you own chickens you can reap the eggs. But even dead, those cluckers are useful.

First, skip the expensive individually-wrapped chicken breasts. Besides protein and low calories, there’s very little value to a plain chicken breast. Buy a whole chicken and revel in all the free add-ins.

Chicken ceases to be boring when paired with mango pickle chutney and carrot fries.

The easiest way to cook a whole chicken is to roast it. My favorite method is to let the chicken chill on the counter to bring it to room temperature. Baptize it with spices, including a generous amount of salt. Make sure to put herbs and spices both in the cavity and under the skin, as well as some butter or oil. A lemon, orange, or onion up the butt is tasty too. The trick is to be sure the skin stays dry. You don’t need to do anything fancy like truss it. Pop the chicken into an oven pan (a roasting rack is prefrerred for good skin) and blast it with 425° Fahrenheit for about an hour. Simple.

It's not burned. It's crunchy.

Once you’ve had your homey chicken dinner, your chicken is worth far more than leftovers. Take the carcass and turn it into stock!

Chicken stock is super nutritious. People have revered animal broths for their healing qualities for thousands of years, as they are incredibly nutrient dense. The collagen, gelatin, and glucosamine are especially good for you.

MSG-riddled store-bought stock? Don't be a pussy.

To make the stock, plunk the carcass into a big ol’ pot of water. Get it up to almost a boil then reduce to a simmer. Add some chopped veggies like onion, celery, and carrot (aka a mirepoix for you hipsters), or any random stuff you have lying around. Herbs and spices are groovy. Adding a little vinegar extracts more nutrients. Let the stock simmer for severak hours. When done, strain or pull out all the chunky bits and add salt to taste.

To prevent possible bacteria growth, put your stockpot in a sink filled with very cold water. Once it’s cooled, put into tupperware. In the freezer it lasts forever, in the fridge it stays about a week. After a few hours the fat will solidify at the surface. For chicken stock, remove this fat, as it’s high in Omega 6s you don’t need. For other animals like cow, you can leave it in if desired.

Now you have a yummy stock to make soup and a million other dishes with. Or just drink it, especially if you think you’re getting a cold.

But for all veggies who are squirming at the thought of drinking animals as well as eating them, here’s a non-animal way to live nose to tail.

Squash Seeds

Everyone complains that nuts are too expensive and that sunflower seeds suck. But do any veggies out there like kabocha or butternut squash?

This kabocha doesn't need to be de-seeded. It needs a C-section.

Voila, seeds, free of charge.

The fun thing about squash seeds is that you can roast them with whatever spices you like.

Don’t be afraid to use oil. A big reason it’s better to buy dry-toasted or raw nuts because most seeds are roasted with crappy soybean and vegetable oils. Coconut, olive oil, and ghee are much better choices. And they taste good. Elise with Simply Recipes has a great method to get you started. The trick to crunchy nuts is to boil them beforehand.

In the last batch of seeds I made, I mixed half with cocoa powder, vanilla, and stevia, and the second with cinnamon, mesquite, and nooch. Both were roasted with ghee.

I'm not nutty. I'm seedy.

Here are a few others ways to live nose-to-tail:

- Save your bacon fat. After baking or pan-frying your bacon, strain the fat and save it. It’s delicious with eggs or on salad. And before I get people gagging, no, saturated fat will not kill you. Forget the 80s; you need saturated fat for proper cell function. Let Drew @ How to Cook Like Your Grandmother teach you how to render it. All you need is a bowl and paper towels.

- Get vegetables with “tops” on and use the greens for sauteeing or green smoothies. Beets are a great example.

- Buy full-fat coocnut milk and add two cans of water. Voila, you have three cans of light coconut milk. Or use HEAB’s coconut milk trick.

You are about to defy physics by a factor of three.

- Save your yolks. I totally get mixing whole eggs with egg whites to make a lighter omelet. However, yolks are super nutritious and have a lot of uses. If you’re not using liquid egg whites (which are costly anyway), save the egg yolks for custard, ice cream, hollandaise sauce, mashed potatoes, or hair treatment.

- Shop in your pantry. Let’s play a game. You can only buy fresh veggies or fresh meat from the store. Otherwise, you must make do with ingredients in your pantry. Everyone has a can of beans that haven’t seen daylight in five months. Get creative and save yourself a trip to the store. Averie @ Love Veggies and Yoga has tons of great recipes that suit a pantry clean-out.

If you’re a brave soul like my friends in Edinburgh, you can also take up skipping. That has some tasty results.

Bless freezer breakdowns.

That said, when living sans waste, I feel no obligation to treat low-quality junk food with the same standard. If you wind up with a ton of extra Easter candy that’s just going to make you pick at it, give it away.

Don’t feel the need to play with your junk food.

I had a paper due and was bored. I take no responsibility for my hypocrisy

Dirty Hungry Ho

I feel dirty. I told my father I’d make him anything he wanted for Christmas.

I didn’t think he’d ask for…

Recognize that layout? Yup, my dad was hittin’ up a Hungry Girl recipe. More specifically, her Eggnog Puddin’ Pie.

Hungry Girl is very polarizing for people. In this neck of the woods (hardcore foodies, health bloggers, vegans, etc.) she’s usually anathema, and sits on a throne ensconsed in children’s bones and Fiber One. But head over to a Weight Watchers forum and she’s a Tolkein-esque Lúthien.

Yoplait Light: the key to intimidating cleavage?

To those I’ve lost, let me introduce you.

Hungry Girl is the net name for Lisa Lillien. Her Hungry Girl website is where she and her team showcase lower-calorie alternatives to high-calorie treats and restaurant favorites. For example, a popular Hungry Girl recipe is her “Lord of the Onion Rings,” where the breading is replaced by pulverized FiberOne.

Hungry Girl rubs some the wrong way because of her apparent value of lower calories over nutrition–for example, many of her recipes rely on prepackaged goods like like fat-free Jell-O puddings, or Pillsbury Yellow Cake Mix. The nutritional profile for some of her recipes can be godawful, with high sodium and a plethora of sugar and refined carbohydrates.

Like many young dieting females, I was quite fond of Hungry Girl during my freshman year of college. When I was cleaning out my hard drive, I found an old file of her recipes.

But you know what? Looking at her recipes again, there are plenty of ones that rely on a few old-fashioned ingredients, like…

• Oats
• Egg whites
• Greek yogurt
• Fuji apples

WTF is Hungry Girl a blogger prototype!?!?!

Meet your anathema

Anyway, to continue my romance with Hungry Girl, we broke up as I grew more disordered. Suddenly, EWWWW chemical-laden packaged food! Gross! How could I let something like Pillsbury defile my quest for weight loss? No wonder she stayed in business — obviously her clannish gaggle was still fat and wondering why the Raspberry Bliss frappés and Shirataki Alfredo weren’t getting them into their bikinis.

Since then, I have mellowed out quite a bit. But out of choice, I don’t really care for things that resemble chemistry experiments more than cookery.

So let’s bounce ahead a few years, to my current self questing into long-abandoned territory – the central, ultra-processed food section of the grocery store.

I stared in wonderment at some of the new stuff out, like “No Bake Oreo Cheesecake” or brand-spankin’ new Pillsbury Pumpkin Quickbread.

I can taste the trans-fat.

With a grimace I grabbed the Sugar Free Fat Free Vanilla Pudding. Then I set off for the graham crackers. I was holding off on the sugar-free Cool Whip for last (I friggin’ HATE frozen aisles).

Let us return to Hungry Girl. She attracts many because she offers “guilt-free” equivalents to decadent favorites. Do they taste just like the real thing? No, duh, but some of them are pretty tasty, like her butternut squash fries (though they’re even better with some coconut oil).

After a few more years of life, and looking at people in that life, I can’t detest her anymore…even if I can poke fun at her. Some things I really dislike about her website, most of all her usage of processed junk and her valuing of low calories over nutrition. But there are a few things I do think she does well…

Though kitchen etiquette may still be a hard-won skill.

- Getting kids in the kitchen. Even if it’s opening cans, we all have to start somewhere. Some people really never were taught how to cook, and think dinner always equals ordering from a menu. Making people aware that they can feed themselves, even broke-ass college students with microwaves and minifridges, is a step in the right direction.

There was a time when I thought this meant the whole bag.

- Making people aware that food has calories. Ouch. I can hear the wolves bristling. While I do not think calories need to be counted, they do count. Before I went to college, I had no friggin clue how big a dent an 800-calorie hamburger really was in my daily maintenance intake. So I could happily eat two a day, plus fries and a few Toaster Strudels. In a perfect world, people would grow up understanding their bodies well enough and have good enough eating habits to never worry about calories. But we are already in the midst of a problem, and sometimes you have to fix things in less-than-ideal ways in order to advance enough to fix them entirely.

I probably won't find this in London. I mourn. Just a wee bit.

- Drawing attention to a few awesome products. Unsweetened Almond Breeze–this wonderful creation is largely sold in a bigger size because of Hungry Girl. In the end, money talks, and Hungry Girl makes a lot of money. She has also done her part to popularize canned pumpkin, Fage yogurt, and Kashi products.

- Giving a push in the right direction. I wish more people would see the simple deliciousness of fruit, nut butter, high-quality meat, and vegetables. But some people are more hooked on Snickerdoodles and Big Macs. I do believe “guilt-free swaps,” even if franken-food derived, are a step in the right direction. In the end, even if both are junky, I’m picking the Hungry Girl milkshake over the Carl’s Jr. one any day. If I want a real milkshake, I want it to be a great one.

Some kind of haute Tupperware?

- Demonstrating there are other ways to prepare food. I don’t believe in a kitchen where butter is banned unless it’s in a can or Brummel’s and Brown’s. But growing up, I had no idea one could prepare vegetables without globs of butter. While Hungry Girl goes to an extreme, I do think she serves as a decent gateway for people who grew up in unhealthy families.

Some have argued that people like Hungry Girl trigger eating disorders. I really have a problem with this accusation. Anything can be triggering for someone with an eating disorder. Even health blogs. It’s like saying McDonalds triggers obesity.

A subject that also interests me is Hungry Girl in relation to “healthy.” What is healthy? I think this question in regards to Hungry Girl is moot, because what’s good for one person is not good for another. Her Eggnog Puddin’ Pie has a little over 6 grams of sugar per slice. Real eggnog has about 20 grams of sugar per cup. Considering the box of pudding mix used in the recipe produces 4 cups…egads, sugar bomb! While this may be a delectable treat for some, it would send my dad into a staggering blood sugar surge. With Hungry Girl’s monstrous concoction of instant pudding mix and Fiber One, my dad can enjoy a treat that, to him, is a good enough replacement for a drink he can rarely enjoy. As my dad doesn’t give a damn about natural ingredients, the only loss is all that fatty noggy goodness.

And as for the pie…it wasn’t too bad, even for my picky standards. My stepmom had a hard time believing it was an ultra light dessert.

I don't think Dad's feeling too deprived though...

Personally, I don’t see Hungry Girl’s frankenfood recipes as “healthy.” But I do see them as (in general) healthier than the original recipes. As far as her non-frankenfood recipes, of which there are more than you would think, they are perfectly fine. I see many derivatives of them on healthy living blogs…pumpkin oatmeal, anyone?

This pumpkin has an equal chance of meeting whole wheat pastry flour or Cool Whip Free.

I wish she’d loosen up on calories and take more of a Men’s Health Eat This Not That approach to nutrition, accounting vitamins and all that good stuff. I wish she’d stop pimping out tofu Shirataki noodles, or would at least switch to kelp noodle pimpage (as kelp noodles taste fine and are packed with good things). But I can’t hate her anymore.

After all, she made my dad happy, and when he’s happy, I’m happy. But she can still keep those damn Shirataki noodles to herself.

You shouldn't eat fish that smells like fish, so why eat noodles that smell like fish?

Questions for the Peanut Gallery:

- What are your thoughts on Hungry Girl?

- Try any of her recipes ?

- Do you draw a line on processed food? I.E., is Whole Foods stuff ok but Ralph’s stuff not?

Confidence: Having verses Doing

When I lost 70 pounds, there was something I didn’t lose: my confidence. Because I never had any to begin with. (And I didn’t magically get any either).

On the other hand, I have tons of confidence. How can this paradox exist?

There are two kinds of confidence — confidence in what you do, and confidence who you are.

I am very confident in what I do as a writer. When I want something to look good, I have confidence that I can make it a linguistic porn star. When a professor or editor says they are pleased with my work, I’m super happy, but I’m not exceptionally surprised, most of the time.

Neither is DJ Kitteh when the party's hopping.

Granted, I’ve worked hard for my skills. I also know I have tons more to learn. And that there are some things I am not as good writing about (hard news and finance, ew.)

Yet I still do not have as much confidence in who I am. I take a firm stance on certain issues, such as abortion laws and gay marriage. But internally, I can never define myself. As such, I have a hard time projecting myself when I cannot use my writing ability or when words don’t matter.

Case in point: I can easily entertain professors with conversation and score great recs, but stick me at a party and the yesteryear chubby kid in me gets antsy and I mutely plant myself near the snack bowl.

I believe most people have more of one kind of confidence than the other. But optimally, we should have a balance, for multiple reasons.

Your chief confidence, in whatever form, will get rocked.

If Mark Bittman gave me constructive criticism on a restaurant review, I’d be estatic. If he called me a two-bit blithering blowhard fit for the Enquirer, I’d probably shatter and do something really stupid (like a week-long threesome with Ben & Jerry’s). You need the second kind of confidence to fall back on.

Gaze upon my harem and lust.

Here are a few ways I believe confidence manifests itself:

• Questioning criticism. Constructive criticism should always be welcomed, but it should never be taken blindly. Instead, it should be thought about and evaluated. Usually, I find great constructive criticism from editors and professors. But sometimes I encounter someone who doesn’t know what they fuck they’re talking about. It takes confidence in your skills to differentiate between the two.

• The ability to say “Go to hell.” The world is not a ball of sunshine. Sometimes, you encounter jerkwads and bitches. While I highly believe in respect and manners, you have to be able to stand up for yourself. Some people just need to be told to shut the fuck up.

• Knowing it’s not personal. Getting a harsh critique can sting. It can be painful when you just can’t seem to get along with someone. But it takes confidence to realize that it’s not always about you. Some personalities just don’t mesh, and sometimes your work can be, ahem, in dire need of revision. In some ways, it’s easier to say “It’s my fault, I’m the problem,” because that’s letting you off the hook from critical thinking or acting in ways to solve the problem. But when you realize there are bigger, less personal issues, you can be productive.

I am still working on confidence in who I am. I think getting older and more experienced in life in general helps, but we’ll see. But now I’m off to work on a rough draft about the legal vs. moral stance taken in the novel, Rebecca. Which I know will kick ass.

Question for the Peanut Gallery:

Do you feel you are more confident in who you are or what you do?

Oh, but before I go, I wanted to give a shoutout to someone who has to have a butt-load of confidence: Sophia!

For Project Food Blog, Sophia had to throw a sexy dinner party for at least four people. That’s stressful enough…but most of her recipes were totally original and had never been made before. Balls: Sophia has them. So vote for her!

Here’s a look at this awesome spread of cookery confidence:

Risotto, tofu sticks, scones, lemonade...

And one of the most epic salads EVARRR

But I am much less confident in my sushi-making ability:

Still tasted good though...even if it's fugly

I kissed her…and she did not die!

Oh, Daroga…

If you get the title reference, mad, mad props. Hint: you won’t find it on Broadway, just its very watered down, far poppier reincarnation.

Not in my job description

It was one heckuva yesterday. I am a features writer, not a news writer. A.k.a, the vast majority of the time I sit on my ass, prowl the internet, and seduce people through the phone into giving me their juiciest insights. I rarely do field work. So field work decided to march in and say “BITE ME!”

I was already writing a story under deadline. I already had an interview with some book authors in an hour. Suddenly, I am reassigned. To a press conference. In the Third Ward (not happyland, if you know Houston). In half an hour. Talk about an icy chill!

You see, one reason I hate field work is that it brings back memories of my internship last summer. Only I wasn’t doing journalistic field work, I was running bitch errands like hauling my boss downtown to get her traffic tickets paid off so she could legally haul her own ass, or fighting my way across town at rush hour to pick up a CD from an artist…whilst sobbing hysterically at my malfunctioning GPS system and frantically calling my mother. Ahem, this was also the summer I was put on anti-depressants.

But I tried REALLY hard to just smile, to be a bit of the slightly more enlightened person I’m trying to be. ADVENTURE, I told myself. And my GPS system was working.

In the name of journalism!

Just one problem. I hadn’t had lunch yet. It was 1:30 and my stomach was growling.

Y’see, I have an irrational fear of going without food. Part of it I chock up to that irritating Tosca Reno and her “omg your muscles will fall off!”, part of it that “savvy dieters” mantra of “omg if you skip meals you’ll GO PSYCHO AND EAT A LIVE HORSE!” and the rest…just my own general screwiness.

Careful pony, you don't know if she's had her PB&J

I even grabbed my lunch as I headed out the door. But eating while driving through downtown traffic does not work. The press conference was a mix of misery and inspiration. FYI, it was for the first Houston house in Extreme Makeovers: Home Edition. The family was so inspirational and amazing — despite having recently lived in a 720-square foot house with one malfunctioning toilet (and this is a family of seven), they are marriage counselors and the hubby is  an ordained minister.

But the event was also miserable because it was 102 degrees and 100% humidity. I was in rubber shoes on asphalt. Whoopee.

Then I realized something… I was not cannibalizing my fellow man or devouring the chicken near my feet. Nor was my left deltoid falling off, was I fantasizing about a pint of Hagan-Daaz, or turning into a pumpkin.

Not me?!?!?!

Could it be…holy shit, food is just food?!

Our need for food goes so much beyond the physical need for sustenance. At work, when I’m sitting around, I NEED my damn lunch because I get bored. Of course food is fuel, of course no one should purposely skip it. But if the planets misaligned and you have your lunch a miraculous three hours later than planned…you won’t die or do something that would leave you incarcerated.

For someone with as many random food issues as I have, including a habit of eating by the clock, this is damn well Buddha-level enlightening.

Though with that expression and belly, I suspect cookie dough was involved.

I’ve heard people talk about Brad Pilon’s Eat Stop Eat. It’s an intermittent fasting program tailored towards athletes. It’s definitely not for me, but I’ve heard people say that after their first fast (which never lasts more than a day), the most amazing thing – besides their first meal tasting like Julia Child’s best beef bourguignon – was that it realigned their attachment to food. I don’t plan on ever trying it out, but I think I see what they’re talking about.

So, I got back to the Chronicle, drained half the water cooler, and had my lunch. At four. Because I’m badass like that and don’t need to eat at “normal” feeding times. I was feeling so frisky when I got home that I decided to have pancakes and ice cream for dinner.

Ok, you caught me. Those are protein pancakes. Everyone knows you can use whey powder to make bread-like products. Vegan plant protein powder is a different animal. These high-protein treats should not be only on the plates of omnivores, so I was determined to whip up some plant protein pancakes. My success? Close, but not perfect. I’m working with the ratios. Remember, I’m not a savvy vegan chef who can do things with a banana that should be illegal. But here’s the first batch:

Rough Job Vegan Chocolate Protein Pancakes

Ingredients:

1 scoop vegan protein powder (I used Beyond Organics, neutral flavor)

1 Tbsp flax seed

1 tsp psyllium husks

Pinch of baking powder

1/3 cup almond milk

Splash of water

1/4-1/3 tsp vanilla extract

2 tsp unsweetened cocoa powder

Pinch of salt

Stevia…in unmeasured quantities

I mixed it all up and tossed it in the frying pan. All in all I made 3 pancakes. The first, which was made without psyllium husks, was way too crumbly. The second and third worked a lot better, but came out too thin. I will work on plumping them up.

I made them into a chocolate waffle-esque cone for some of Turtle Mountain’s coconut ice cream, in the cookie dough flavor. I dabbed in some peanut butter and a bit of cereal for mix ins. OM NOM NOM. But as you can see, I always eat my veggies

So a few eats…

I’m with Heather. Protein ice cream is the bomb.com. It’s SO refreshing after an early-morning workout. I love customizing my own flavors.

Standard chocolate party bowl with crunchies, chocolate sauce, and whipped cream

Vanilla and Chocolate Mint: Vanilla with a chocolate mint Vitatop, cacao nibs, mint leaves, random maca powder, and whipped cream

Pimped Out Chunky Monkey: Chocolate with banana, chocolate sauce, crunchies, walnuts, and w/c

Maple Cinnamon with cacao nibs and leftover Raspberry Ganache Cake

Peanut Butter Caramel: Vanilla with peanut flour, peanut butter, caramel sauce, crunchies, whipped cream, and strawberries

But woman cannot subsist on protein ice cream alone…

Goan-styled Salmon with Basil and Mint-infused Quinoa, with a side salad

I’ve been on an Indian kick, haha.

Dippers with Homemade Pesto and Hummus, with a salad and unpictured Black Bean Burger

I got this delicious pesto recipe from Katie. It’s awesome — Heather’s been pimping it for a reason!

The padre and I have been hitting up a few Italian places. Nom.

Mine: Butternut Squash Ravioli with Chicken and unpictured Asparagus

Dad's: Bolognese with a Fuckton of Parmesan

And a new place in town, Giacomo’s Cibo e Vino. I was thinking about pasta, but wasn’t really in the mood. The Chron’s food critic swore to me the veggies were to die for. She did not lie.

Roasted Beets with scallions, garlic, and hazelnuts

Broccoli Rabe with garlic, anchovies, and olive oil

Pollo Guido: grilled chicken breast stuffed with prosciutto, mozzarella, tomato, basil, & garlic; basil butter sauce on the side

Dad's: Tortellini al Panna with parmesan cream sauce

This is actually my last week at the Chron. I’ll share some of my more recent articles with you soon!

Why Symptom Checkers are Evil, Evil Things

… To a paranoid over-analyzer by the name of Mimi.

Oh, to be a girl. While it’s easier to get free stuff and get out of moving violations, some things about womanhood suck. To enliven your morning, take this little slice of girl life and have a good chuckle. Or bite your knuckles in suspenseful terror.

To examples of womanly suckage are hormones and birth control. The easiest way to correct my weird hormones was to go on a very low dose birth control. Hunky dory. No side effects…except one minor annoyance that some of you who take really low dose birth control can probably guess at. A couple of weeks ago, my ob-gyn switched me to Ocella.

Let our mystery noire begin.

A couple of days ago, Mimi realized that her strange attitude was more than the stress of moving into her apartment and fighting leasing agents. La preuve:

- Morning upset stomach

- Random munchies

- Spikes of emotion

- Cramping / lower back pain

- Spouts of uncalled for bitchiness

(PMS? Not pour moi–I don’t get PMS or menstrual cramps. I attribute it to my clean diet and exercise, since I used to get them in high school.)

But Mimi was on the case! Following her grandma’s sage advice on food combining (Natalia Rose must’ve stolen it!) brought some tummy relief, but the rapidly vanishing pint of  Ben & Jerry’s saw no pause. Clearly, things were out of sorts!

Using savvy detective skills, she tracked down a higher authority. An online symptom checker.

Oh why, why Mimi? So prone to paranoia and overthinking and melodramatics! Like a blind treasure hunter, she totalled up her symptoms. The cold, unfeeling answer?

La prégnance.

Cue shattering glass, exploding lights, and many a broken chair. In her mind, of course. Cue colorful dialogue throughout the afternoon, such as…

- “No Dad, the fucking Hobbit Cafe is on motherfucking Richmond not motherfucking Shepherd!”

- “Stop spoiling True Blood and get on fucking Yelp for me!!!”

- “Yeah I’m fine, because funky-ass hormones are a total party in my ovaries!”

Would you believe TV saved her life? Salvation fluttered in on one of those Yasmin and Ocella are evil and will kill you commercials. Suddenly, a metaphorical bag of bricks crash-landed right in dear Mimi’s lap. Rushing to her computer, she Googled “Ocella side effects.”

The resounding roar heard all the way in the leasing office:

“DAMN YOU OCELLA!!!”

Assurance in her second diagnosis came on two winds–a call to her ob-gyn and then forgetting to take her pill the next morning. Which, for you experienced ladies, you know the…dam-like effects of.

Sorry B&J’s, you were sacrificed on my altar of misfire contraceptives.

Thus ends our penny dreadful.

In epilogue, I will be switching to a different, lower-dose b/c again. I’d consider going off the bastards entirely, but the…security given to certain recreational activities is one that does have its advantages. Not that I’m a doxy or anything.

Until I can get the prescription switched, I’m trying to keep myself from being too snappy and trying to avoid the morning bouts of random, depthless munchy-dom I get. Or break out a bag of carrots. My sister has yelled at me since she wanted to reserve a bag for the horses. Nope. My pseudo-PMSery comes first.

Speaking of monter à cheval, I had my first riding lesson in a frickin long-ass time yesterday! Last time I rode (during one of my sister’s lessons) my sister fell off and broke her arm. This was my first real lesson since I was in high school. So lovely! I asked the owner if I would get to jump.

She readily said yes, in a lesson or two, and commented that she was really impressed how strong my form was, after not having seriously ridden in 4 years. I guess it’s because I work out, so my core and back are fairly strong. I am sooore today though. And it’s kind of funny…last time I took lessons, I weighed a lot more. It’s strange getting used to my butt no longer being a shock absorber. Now I get why people complain of sore bottoms after a long ride.

I miss jumping so much. Back in the day, I was tacking 3’6″ jumps and showing in hunter-jumper.

In other news…

- Gamer gals, get Red Dead Redemption. It’s every indulgence in Western fantasy.

- TV-lovers, watch True Blood. The third season starts soon and the first two are crack brilliant. It’s nothing like that wussy-ass Twilight garbage. This is for the girls who grew up on Buffy and Christopher Pike novels.

Nope, sparkle-free

- Farm-fresh raw goat cheese…there are no words. Except that I love farmers markets.

Kitchen Foolery

My dad loved the raw vegan cheesecake. I gave him two slices but he ate both after he had lunch at the Hobbit Cafe. Which was indeed on Richmond. Clearly, my dad and I have different food preferences.

The Valinor. My feast also had brown rice sautéed with sundried tomatoes, but it was hidden under the veggie attack. I’m not usually a tofu person but one of my best friends recommended it. It also came with avocado. Yum.

Averie also inspired my to try her dark chocolate snowballs, cuz my dad is a coconut whore.

Those poor snowballs. After my dad, stepmother, mom, and sister stopped by my apartment, my 12-ball batch was history. Luckily I ferreted away a few for myself. I have to say though, they came out really well. The chocolate was super dark and cheek-nipping–just how I love dark chocolate desserts.

I also wrangled some really cheap acorn squash. Dang, this darling is underrated. I half-assed it and popped it in the microwave and it was still a gooey, delicious boat of squashy brilliance. I mixed one half with walnuts, cinnamon, cloves, and agave…

And the other half with my pantry clean-out mish mash, very loosely inspired by Philip McClusky’s Not So Big Mac recipe. My mish mash had mushrooms, onion, almond butter, carrots, soy sauce, mesquite liquid smoke, nooch, spices, apple cider vinegar, and garlic. It looked like vomit but tasted really good–great mix of nutty, tangy, and sweet. I topped it with pistachios!

There has been a lot of talk about seasonal fruits and veggies. One thing that struck me at my last trip to the farmers market were some farmers selling winter squashes. I asked about it. Their response? “Yeah, we can sell winter squashes more cheaply in the summer because they aren’t as big.”

Yet another reason why “buying seasonally” is not so cut and dried.

Myself, when buying produce, I go for what’s cheapest, or if there’s one or two things I really really want. Often, cheap coincides with seasonal, but I don’t shop strictly seasonal. I mean, broccoli is awesome no matter what time of the year it is. Plus, depending on where you live, you can grow many vegetables out of season without too much trouble.

But I tend to naturally favor more fruit and whatnot in the summer, and fewer heavy dishes. I’m not the biggest fruit person, but come summer, apples and bananas beware.

Also…I have discovered California Dates. Ok, I feel bad now for rolling my eyes at all these “after-dinner dates” that some bloggies rave about. Dates + nut butter = awesome. Anyone ever try California dates? I actually liked it more than the medjool one I stole sampled at the supermarket.

Questions for the Peanut Gallery:

- Any wacky birth control stories? Anything you’ve done to ease side effects?

- How seasonally do you like to shop, if at all?

- Any particularly nibbles you buy regardless of season?

- What are your favorite kinds of dates? Best uses?

Apples and Sundaes

 Some peeps (like me) need to chill.

Hey kiddos!

I’ve been busier than a March hare…oh wait, that’s mad as a March hare. Shit, there goes my witty intro tag. I guess, as my dear father would say, I’ve been busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

Most of my business comes from a good source–work! Not lame-o schoolwork, but real line-your-pockets-work, and even some do-something-that-matters work.

I’d like to share a little about one company I have been working with for public relations and marketing. O2 MAX Fitness is a youth-oriented fitness studio. The big project I’m working on right now is their MAX Prom Program. Basically, it gets girls (on a national level) into great shape for prom, using personal trainers, customized nutrition plans, and coaching. The real goal of the program, however, is to get girls enthused about a healthy lifestyle. What’s neat is all the perks the participants get–discounts on prom dresses, makeup, and shoes, but also really cool benefits, such as $150 off Princeton Review SAT prep classes.

I really support this program–it’s great to work for something I feel strongly about. And it’s really giving me solid PR experience, which is what I’m after. Journalism is still my baby, but I’m slowly moving out of the grasshopper stage of it.

What’s also neat is that they are also looking for “Fitness Experts” to take the program for free and blog about their experiences. If any of you happen to be in high school and are going to prom, you might want to check it out–you can earn money, get all sorts of free stuff, and take the program free of charge.

BUT IN OTHER NEWS. Ahem. -dons less PR-y hat-

More Gingersnaps!

- Travel Snacks: Eat Right in Flight
- Culinistas Take the Stress Out of Cooking (super cool at-home cooking service)
- Microwave Cooking Not Just For Freshmen

For those of you who have followed my blog a little more closely, I am happy to say I am finally being tapered off the crazy meds Wellbutrin.

And most importantly…

I’m heading to the Big Apple!

For a week I’ll be partying it up in NYC. Some stuff I’m looking forward to…

- 59-degree weather (as opposed to 30-degree weather)
- The Museum of Moving Images
- The Addams Family Musical (starring Nathan Lane)
- Bar Americain (Bobby Flay’s restaurant)
- Pure Food & Wine (Sarma Melngailis’s restaurant)
- Pure Food & Wine’s Classic Sundae (I kid you not…this gives me happy dreams) 
- Shopping for clothes/shoes
- A Facial
- Meeting up with friends (psst, any NYC bloggies who want to meet for lunch or something, let me know!)
- RECHARGING

Seriously. I need a week to recuperate. With all my schoolwork and professional pursuits, I confess, I am strung out worse than a hungover heroin addict. I need some relaxation. That is something I need to work on.

Does anyone else have this problem? To keep pushing, even when you know your performance is suffering, because at least you’re still trudging forward?

Haha, I’ve been pretty good at sticking with my big New Year’s Resolution: not to worry so damn much. But I’m still working on this one.

Regardless, I’m looking forward to some fun in New York! And that dang sundae!

Food porn just got an upgrade from Showtime to HBO. 

Oh, and I guess since this is a food blog, here are a few random things I’ve shoved into my mouth lately. I haven’t been big on photographing lately.

Chocolate Muscle Oats

Oats with protein powder and cocoa powder, topped with Kaia cocoa mole sunflower seeds, Greek yogurt, cranberries, and blackberries.

Pantry Clean Out!

Autumn sunflower seed pâté (sunflower seeds, cranberries, thyme, carrot, cinnamon, salt, nutmeg, basil, and maple syrup), bell pepper cups with chicken and beans, a bigass spinach salad, all topped with some marinara sauce. 

Beans of the Bloody Baron

Garbanzo beans with diced beet, chopped almonds, salt, curry powder, cinnamon, and balsamic vinegar, topped with blueberries and POM Sauce of Awesomeness (POM juice, cocoa powder, and coconut oil), served with spinach and hempseed butter and collard greens. Yes, holy shit, there is -no meat- in this!!! And it’s not an accident. I’m trying a few meatless meals, just to see if my arms fall off.

College Cuisine

I have quested to Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods! My pockets are lighter and I forgot the motherfucking almond milk, but oh well. Also had a lovely lunch meet-up with Sophia and Froyoaholics Anonymous’s Kathryn.

Operation Bulkup:
More weightlifting! The gym was hot as hell on Friday, which was a bit of a sapper. I nearly blasted my eardrums out with Kamelot. “The Fourth Legacy” is on my list of Ultimate Workout Songs. I’ll weigh in on Monday to see if I’ve gained any. I don’t weigh myself often, but I want to keep loose tabs. 

Kitchen Foolery:
- Barney Butter really does kick ass
- Honeycrisps are back. I am stoked
- Frozen strawberries are awesome
- My new secret ingredient: instant coffee granules

Fruit and Cashews

Kashi Autumn Harvest Shredded Wheat with strawberries and papaya, topped with raw cashew butter. A very refreshing breakfast!

Sea Kale and Kimchi

Steamed kale topped with nori, with chicken, kimchi, and egg whites. Nori makes anything taste better!

Holey Donuts Winter Wonderland and Vanilla Crumb

More donuts! Heh, these might be speeding Operation Bulkup a little too fast. The Winter Wonderland one was pretty dull, but the Vanilla Crumb was delicious. Review soon.

Clearly Missing Texas

Chili, chicken, steamed Kale, and a cornbread VitaTop. I was verrry happy with the cornbread’s sweetness when dipped into the chili. Chili rocks my world, let’s leave it at that.

Eggy Mountain

Oats with chocolate whey powder, unsweetened cocoa, and instant coffee. Topped with an overpoached egg (dusted in coriander) that sits at on a lake of almond milk. Some strawberries are just chilling out.

 

Power Breakfast

Egg with tteok and frozen strawberries. In the bowl we have cottage cheese, Heritage Flakes, and peanuts. This is an amazing breakfast.

Pantry Wrap-Up

A wrap made of turkey meat, celery, Laughing Cow, and mango chutney. Ham with honey mustard and basil, wrapped in nori. Sides of broccoli and an apple, served with cheddar cheese. This was part of an effort to clean out some stuff I had left…and test out some new goodies! The wrap is Mountain Bread, which I found at Whole Foods. Super good–very light and flakey.

Almond Butter and Snow Drifts

A base of oat bran with chocolate whey, unsweetened cocoa powder, and instant coffee. Topped with two poached eggs dusted and almond butter. This is my first dive into Barney Butter. Holy crap, NOW I see why this was an internet phenomenon.

Post Workout Snack

A protein shake made out of vanilla whey, milk, Diet V8 Splash, ginger, lemon extract, and a fuckton of xanthan gum. Served with a pear, almonds, and Gorganzola. Screw the person who advised not consuming fats right after a workout. Pears + Gorgozola + Almonds = Trinity of Yumminess.

 

Laksa, Rojak, and Mee Goreng

My first dive into Singaporean-ish food. According to Sophia it wasn’t very authentic. Tasted fine to me though, even if the soup was kind of greasy. The salad had jicama, apples, and cucumber! And yes, this is me eating noodles…from two different dishes. -spooky music-

College Cuisine

The positive responses to my previous post made me very happy. While this blog is often a creature of snark and strangeness, I do try to discuss what I’ve learned. And not all of those lessons came wrapped in bows and ribbons.

Operation Bulk Up:

I met with my school’s dietitian, on the recommendation of my gyno. The lady was quite lovely. She helped me suss out how much I should be eating in accordance with my activity level (which I’ve never been sure of) and goals. Her recommendation: 2000 calories, more grains, and extra dairy. This is for a 5’5″, 109 pound girl who lifts weights 3x a week and gets her cardio in running to the gym…and classes she’s running late to. It seems like so much food! But I guess I gotta eat big if I wanna get big guns and a non-pancake ass.

But I’m trying truly to chuck calorie counting, so I’m going more by servings. Except that pussy 2 1/2 servings of veggies a day. Bah, I could eat that for lunch! But I am making a genuine effort to get more grains and dairy in. And not just in the form of Holey Donuts.

Kitchen Foolery:

AAAAH! My freezer is even MORE PACKED now that I have the Holey Donuts. Hopefully my roommates will be assuaged by the “enjoy, just be sure to leave at least 1 of each flavor” policy on the doughnuts.

Anyway, onto the eats!

Wahoo Fish and Taters

Wahoo fish, sauteed veggies, fresh spinach with cukes, tomatoes, and egg white, and a sweet potato. A post-workout meal! The fish came from the school cafeteria. It’s Wahoo fish–inspired by Wahoo’s Fish Taco, with teriyaki-sauteed veggies. -sigh- There goes the last of my sweet potatoes!

Deep Chocolate VitaTop

A Deep Chocolate VitaTop with almond butter. HOLY SHITMONKIES! I can’t believe I never tried these before! I always assumed they were over-processed crappy diet food, but they are actually whole grain and pretty natural. I’m eating my way through the sample pack Vitalicious generously sent me, so review soon!

Tropical Cottage Cheese

Cottage cheese with papaya, Heritage Flakes, cinnamon, a dash of lemon extract, and a sprinkling of bee pollen. Wow, I’m really liking this frozen papaya. I’d thought it was tasteless when I first got it, but it just needed to thaw a bit.

Tteokbukki and Steamed Dumplings

Sophia mentioned this lovely meal we had at the Korean market. Rice flour rolls, sauce, onions, a hardboiled egg, cabbage–this stuff had everything! The dumplings had mostly pork and veggies.

I had never tried Korean food before, so I was curious. Also, the tteokbukki was kind of a challenge for me; white rice still freaks me out a bit, and these are essentially globs of rice flour. But YUM, I really like this–super chewy and saucy. Just another step in my climb to a fully healthy relationship with food.

I really like Korean spices so far. Still a spice baby though.

Cheddary Omelet with Manna Bread

An omelet stuffed with cheddar, broccoli, and cauliflower. Cinnamon Fig Manna bread and a side of cottage cheese. Yum.

Apple Pie a la Mode

Dreyer’s Apple Pie ice cream in a cake cone…because cones make ice cream better. Unfortunately, the Apple Pie ice cream took one for the team when the Holey Donuts arrived, and now resides in the freezer of my next-door neighbor. He was surprised to see some chick bang on his door and hand him a carton of ice cream.

Revenge of the Pumpkin Tteok

Teehee, behold pumpkin tteok again in its unsweet, orangey glory…with some Greek yogurt (and a huge-ass mug of coffee).

Green, Purple, and Shades of Cheese

Zucchini and Japanese eggplant sauteed in POM and basil, with a flank steak and cheddar sandwich.

Oro Blanco Midnight Munchie

An oro blanco (sort of like a grapefruit) with balsamic vinegar, kefir, and a sprinkling of almonds.

Omelet of Appley Goodness

An omelet (mixed with some vanilla protein powder) stuffed with cooked apples, cinnamon, stevia, and almond butter. This was made of yum.

Holey Donuts Oreo Boston Cream Pie

Holy hell, this was awesome. Yeah, more on these suckers later…but the pic came out so well I had to post it.